Here are some helpful slogans we encourage you to use when you are having a difficult time in life. Carrying these around and saying them can help you keep the proper perspective on your life and guild you back to strength and hope when dealing with your addicted loved one and environment.
DETACH: Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her.
“How can I best help the alcoholic/addict? By not interfering when he gets into difficulties. I must detach myself from his/her shortcoming, neither making up for them nor criticizing them. Let me learn to play my own role, and leave his to him. If he fails in it, the failure is not mine, no matter what others may think or say about it.”
HOW: Honest, Open, Willing.
Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are the three primary principles in laying down a solid foundation for recovery. Honest with oneself. Being open to Power Greater than our selves and willing to take certain steps.
QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally.
“When the guilt of the alcoholic explodes, I must realize that it is always aimed at those nearest, and often dearest. I want to remind myself that such outbursts only reveal the drinker’s own unhappiness. I will not make the situation worse by taking seriously what the alcoholic says at such times.
THINK: Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind?
“If only I can learn to quiet my mind before I speak! I do not want to act with impatience and hostility, for I know it will react on me. It is a mistake to think this requires self-control; patience can be acquired by learning to let go of self-will. Jonathan Swift said: “Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. We must not turn into bees who kill themselves in stinging others.”
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
The answer to “What if?” Is: “Don’t project! Don’t imagine the worst; deal with your problems as they arise. Live one day at a time.” I cannot do anything about things that haven’t happened; I will not let the past experiences make me dread the unknown future. “It is a vain and unprofitable thing to conceive either grief or joy for future things which perhaps will never come about.”
HALT: Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?
Be aware when these four physical or emotion conditions arise. When these do arise we are in a vulnerable position to have a severe emotional react.