If They Ask For Help

Unfortunately, most addicts do not seek help until they hit “a bottom.” Remember, you can’t control their decision to get help nor can you cure this cunning and baffling disease. What you can do is take care of yourself by working to end your own codependent behaviors and ensure healthy boundaries are set. As you commit to this you will ultimately find the strength and courage to keep the focus on yourself and be better equipped when our loved one asks for help. An important thing to mention here is a strange fact. When we set boundaries and start to end codependent/enabling behaviors many of us who have lived with a loved one suffering from addictions actually see their loved ones start to get better. We start to realize that by trying to control, fix and cover up for our loved one we actually have done more harm than good in helping them achieve recovery.

When your loved one is ready for help there are plenty of options. These include in-patient and out patient rehabs, AA and specific addiction focused meetings/programs. However, I cannot stress enough that it MUST be your loved ones choice to seek recovery and medical/psychological help. If you try to force solutions it will simply build frustration and resentments for both of you. In my experience this is why most interventions do not work. That’s not to say you shouldn’t try it but often expectations of recovery simply lead to resentments later on when the addict returns and abuse of their drug of choice begins again.

Contrary to what you might think your loved one does not want to hurt you or harm you. They are sick and in need of help. To put it bluntly their brain is impaired and the person you once knew and loved won’t be back until recovery is sought. It’s the hardest thing to admit but once you can let honestly let go and admit your powerlessness than your life will start to get better. Recovery from this disease is “one day at a time” and relapse is often part of the recovery process. Just like you may “slip” and try to fix your addict from time to time, the same will most likely happen with your loved one who is struggling every day to fight off this allergy of the body and obsession of the mind.

Allow other’s to stumble and fall, and then applaud them when they regain their balance. Allow others to try and fail, and then bask with them in the glory of their success when they succeed.
— Randi G. Fine